Archive for June, 2010

Dating may seem enjoyable and relaxing when looked at from the outside, especially by people who feel trapped in their current relationship.  However, people who are dating can often feel dating pressure as it is often not glamorous but quite stressful. There is anxiety about what to speak about on the date, what to wear, how you  are viewed, if you like the person romantically yourself etc etc.

It is important to be natural and try not to feel you are giving a performance everytime you get ready to go out for a date. Try to see this as an adventure and not a chore.

In addition, a single person often feels dating pressure from  friends, co-workers and one’s parents to finally settle down and “find the one”. Sometimes you can feel a dread running into someone you know in case they ask you that question about finding the special one. You can let people  know that you are in a dating phase for now and you’ll tell  them if you meet someone that you feel it really clicks with for a long-term relationship.

Try to not put the pressure on yourself that each date has to measure up to a certain standard, but instead just be in the moment and try to get to know who you are with. Don’t worry about if it will be a long-term relationship, if you can finally tell your parents you may have met the perfect
person etc. Just try to enjoy yourself and listen well as you try to get to know another person.

If nothing else, you’ll develop better communication skills plus the art of relaxing even though your life isn’t fully settled yet. A lot of people have difficulty feeling whole when they aren’t in a relationship and being able to feel comfortable while this is an unresolved issue. Learning to stay centered and relax is a very good way to avoid dating pressure and strengthen and be at peace with yourself at the same time.

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Speed Dating Tips

Are you thinking of trying speed dating? If so here are 6 speed dating tips to help you get the most out of your speed dating experience.

Tip 1: Smile – Smiling shows that you are friendly and you have self-confidence, and as we all know, it is one of the most attractive traits a member of the opposite sex can have.

Tip 2: Make Eye Contact – When you are talking to your date make sure that you hold that person’s gaze comfortably, relaying the message that you are very much interested in him or her.

Tip 3: Use an opening line – It is very important to have an opening line so as you will not stutter and falter when trying to talk to the opposite sex. According to studies, a simple yet straightforward approach is the best.

According to a recent survey, these are some of the lines that are the biggest turn-offs, so be sure to avoid these!

“You remind me of a my ex.”
“Bet I can out-drink you.”
“I play the field and I think I just hit a home run with you.”
“Your place or mine?”

Tip 4:  Encourage the other person to open up – Talk about whatever interests him or her – careers, hobbies and interests. Ask questions and give him/her your undivided attention. Let them know that you find them fascinating. With this, you have to be well versed in a lot of things, try picking up a couple of books or listen to the latest news, just so that you can also respond to what he/she is saying. Also, If you are to give them compliments, one good advice is to make it personal, for instance, instead of saying, “those earrings are nice,” say something like, “you’ve got a beautiful smile.”

Tip 5: Increase the intrigue factor – By finding an unusual interest, you can be more intriguing to other people. Hobbies such as sky diving, collecting Japanese art; or traveling to exotic places, or becoming knowledgeable in a sport can make you more interesting. For example, if you were to meet someone new and he/she tells you that he/she works in a factory and likes to go to the mall on the weekends – pretty boring, no matter how nice they seem to be. Then again what if that someone tells you that even though he/she works in a factory, he/she likes to go scuba diving on the weekends and has an extensive collection of ancient Mayan treasures – now isn’t that really intriguing? That’s the kind of someone that people want to get to know more. Now, why don’t you go try and be that someone?

Tip 6: Make an effort with your appearance - It might seem a bit shallow and superficial, but looking presentable, and being well groomed can drastically change how people react to you, particularly if you’re a woman. There have been studies that analyze the effects of cosmetics use on social perceptions of women. It is said that observers of both sexes find the same woman appear healthier and more confident when observed wearing make-up than without. According to the observer’s attractiveness ratings, eye make-up and foundation seem to be the most effective in improving one’s looks. The scientific basis for the efficiency of cosmetics is unconfirmed, but it is a well-known fact that they allow women to even out skin tone, conceal blemishes and shape more symmetrical faces.

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Long Distance Relationship Advice

If you or your partner have recently moved out of the area, you may be looking for some long distance relationship advice to help you to adjust to the new situation. Due to job changes, college attendance or other life factors, relocation is much more common than in the past. Did you make a decision to continue to work on your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Despite the difficulties, many couples can succeed at keeping their relationship alive with hard work.

Here are four long distance relationship tips to help your love to survive despite the distance:

Stay Involved: Whether you use e-mail, IM, or cell phones, showing your care and concern for the other person’s life is the most important thing. If your partner moved, find out how their new job, apartment, classes and other aspects of their life really are going . Take time and pay attention to the names of their new bosses, co-workers and new people in their lives to continue with intelligent conversations. You want your partner to share his or her life with you and to participate it in it meaningfully by asking questions and giving feedback. Show your support.

If your partner is the one who stayed at the former location, find out how their situation has been going for them . By your absence, their world is shaken up and going to be very different as well. They will have to deal with weekends alone, isolation, trying to meet new friends and other experiences that may be frightening and uncomfortable.

Keep the Memories Alive: In your conversations bring in some of the good memories- the jokes, the movies you’ve seen together and times you’ve shared. Try to plan some trips to see each other to have something to look forward to for the future. If this is too difficult for now then work on strengthening the relationship via webcams, online chatting, e-mails and the phone.

Inevitably your partner will be growing new friendships and these may include people of the opposite sex. Don’t view this with jealousy and anger or it will create problems. It is natural to feel a bit threatened and envious but to expect someone to isolate themselves isn’t healthy.

Ensure there is Trust: Did you discuss with your partner if you’ll be dating others or maintaining an exclusive relationship? If you discussed that you would only have friendships with people of the opposite sex then show your trust to your partner and don’t get critical or defensive about his or her new friendships. When you lived in the same town each of you had opportunities to speak with others of the opposite sex , flirt and check people out. You should have trust in your relationship and also the agreement to be open with each other if one of you wants to start to date someone else so that there is genuine communication.

Plan Trips to See Each Other: Be sure to plan trips for the future to see each other. Whether it is a weekend away or a 2 week holiday abroad, having planned time together to see each other will make it easier for you to survive the time apart.

It is challenging to work on a long distance relationship but very rewarding and if you use our long distance relationship advice you should be able to prove that your relationship can survive a separation due to distance.

Over 50s Dating

Dating over 50 years of age is nothing to be ashamed of. Many people, particularly those who are married, have children, and then experience divorce or worse, the death of their beloved spouse, feel that they are walking on highly fragile egg shells. The truth is, there is a guilt that is felt, whether for one’s deceased spouse, or for one’s children. Yet, if our children love us, as they surely do, then they understand the realities of loneliness.

Loneliness is probably the number one reason for over 50s dating. We simply don’t want to be alone, particularly as we grow older, feebler, and less certain of our health and future. This also entices another common feeling, that of need for security. When two people live together, not only are they keeping each other company, but also assured, as having a person to support you in your emotional and financial needs is gravely important, particularly once we’ve stepped into our fifth decade.

The dating frame of mind changes with age. The emphasis of marriage and children is practically gone by this point in a persons’s life. Most people dating over 50 are just looking for a person to have a great time with. Some are divorced or widowed. Others are still in search of the right person to spend their life with. You can be assured that if someone is dating over 50 then they have been there, done that, and know exactly what they want and don’t want in a mate.

Over 50s dating is not merely about bulwarking our securities and hopes, but also about having fun. The truth is that we need not be young to feel young. Being happy with our station in life is half of that fun. Not only is each new year another adventure in existence, but also in basic learning about ourselves and others of a comparable age group.

So if life has dealt out a few harsh lashes, accept them, but do move on. For every bad situation in life, such as death and divorce, there are also an equal number of joys, such as a new lover coming into your life, ready to share and to experience you.

Visit Friends Over 50 to start meeting like minded people in your age group.

How to Improve Dating Success

If you have had a few unsuccessful or even disastrous dates, you may be wondering how to improve dating success.

One of the best ways to improve your chances of a successful date is by having a sense of humour. Humour helps both people to relax and feel comfortable in any situation including dating . Poking fun at yourself is also a  way to make someone feel at ease , although makes sure that you don’t do this in a self-deprecating manner).

Although a number of professionals may advise having a self-confident attitude on your date, most people seem to feel more connected with someone who is able to show their vulnerabilities and has some degree of humbleness. When someone makes a joke about themselves they don’t seem to be full of self-importance or carrying a big ego around. Instead they seem like a real human being. This in turn allows us to laugh at ourselves and reveal soething personal to another that may show a flaw or weak spot as well.

Be careful though – a biting and sarcastic humor can be negative on a date and show a certain bitterness or anger inside. This is different than a natural use of humor and chuckles. We tend to lower  our guards when humor is used because we don’t have to be performing or “on” all the time.

Another tip on how to improve dating success is to stay away from bashing your ex or previous dates and pointing out all their flaws and limitations. When people do this it usually means that they aren’t distant enough from an ex-spouse or partner to be able to do this without a hidden agenda or unresolved hurt. This also applies to jokes about ex-inlaws as often problems with inlaws were factors in a relationship ending.

Above all, try to be relaxed and be yourself on your date. Pretending to be someone that you are not will only cause problems down the line.

Review of Friends Reunited Dating

CLICK HERE TO TRY FRIENDS REUNITED DATING FOR FREE

Review of Friends Reunited Our Review of Friends Reunited Dating
Friends Reunited Dating was launched in 2003 and is the third biggest UK Dating website with over 1 Million members. It is owned by the same group of people who brought you Friends Reunited and Genes Reunited and as the name suggests you may want to use this site for finding friends as well as dates.  You can register with Friends Reunited Dating for free, setup a very basic profile and use the search features.

Read our quick review of Friends Reunited Dating below to find out whether or not it is right for you.

Friends Reunited Dating Facts and Features at a Glance

NUMBER OF MEMBERS: Over 1 Million

MEMBERSHIP COST: Free registration available with limited features. Membership starts at £8.25 per month for 6 months or £18.50 for a single month.

FREE FEATURES: Basic search facility and browse up to 4 profiles per day, ability to add a basic profile & photo and receive emails. You cannot send emails to other members and you are unable to see who likes you or who viewed you.

PROFILE FEATURES: Photos, Audio Profile,  Lifestyle, occupation, religion, sense of humour, favourites (films, sports, food etc), have & want children,

FUN FEATURES: You can “wink” at people to let them know you like them. There is an audio feature which allows you to record an audio message for your profile. You can also use online chatting and have the ability to send ecards.

SAFETY: You have the ability to hide your photo or only allow certain people to see it.

Our Verdict of Friends Reunited Dating

4 out of 5 Heart Rating

Friends Reunited Dating is the third largest dating site in the UK and growing, but  depending on where in the UK you live, you may well find that there is not as much choice for your area or criteria as some of the other dating websites. The site is good value for money and cheaper than some of the bigger dating sites such as Dating Direct and Match. You’ll get fast approval of your profile and photos, but the profile and search facilities are more restrictive than some other online dating websites. The best way to decide is to go for the free registration first and have a look at the number of people in your area.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER WITH FRIENDS REUNITED DATING FOR FREE

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What do you do if your children don’t like who you are dating? They may be bluntly telling you that they do not like the person you are dating, or it could just be a subtle feeling you are getting from the way they react when you tell them you are meeting your date, or when you bring them round to the house.

When children don’t like who you are dating this can be for a number of reasons including jealousy because they feel that you are spending less time with them or it could even be anger becasue they feel that your date is trying to appear to replace their mother or father.

In this situation, the best thing to do is to sit down individually with each child to explore these underlying feelings.  In a lot of cases it won’t be that your child personally doesn’t like who you are dating- they may feel like this about everyone you date, regardless of the person. Get them to try to open up about their reactions. This isn’t always easy , especially during the teenage years.  Kids connect more when spoken to in a non “teacher-like” way at times. Go into your own childhood a bit with them and see if this can generate a genuine conversation.

If it is not a personal thing, ask yourself, why don’t my children like who I’m dating? Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your kids? For instance is there a certain tone of voice that they may be reacting to or is there a habit that may be offensive that your partner doesn’t realize he or she engages in? If that is the case, it is worth trying to discuss it with themif the person is open to it. Sometimes people don’t realize that they are too critical or that they interrupt someone when they speak.

One thing that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child (or children) that dislike(s) him or her. They actually may get along much better that way in your absence. This seems to happen a lot when the key person isn’t in the mix.

One thing to remember is that it is very common for your children to dislike the person you are dating, but if you approach this with the right attitude you have a good chance of turning the situation around.

If you would like to try a dating site geared towards parents, you may want to try Dating for Parents.

Dating Direct Review

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER WITH DATING DIRECT FOR FREE

Dating Direct Review Our Dating Direct Review
Dating Direct is one of the UK’s most popular dating sites, with around 5 million members. They have a very extensive search facility that allows you to narrow down your choices based on all sorts of criteria including the area (up to as little as 5 miles of where you live), age range, nationality, religon, have/want children, profession, income, education level, drinking, smoking, height, weight and much more.

You can register with Dating Direct for free, setup a basic profile, use basic search features and view up to five profiles.

Read our quick Dating Direct Review below to find out whether or not it is right for you.

Dating Direct Facts and Features at a Glance

NUMBER OF MEMBERS: Over 5 MILLION

MEMBERSHIP COST: Free registration available with limited features. Membership starts at £9.99 per month for 6 months or £24.99 for a single month.

FREE FEATURES: Basic search facility, ability to add a basic profile, view up to 5 profiles per day

PROFILE FEATURES: Personal Ad, Photo album, video intro, compatibility test

FUN FEATURES: As you view profiles you can add people to your favourites. This is a great way to keep track of who you like, but be aware that when you add someone to your favourites it is equivalent to smiling at them in a bar – they will know about it (as my friend found out after a few drinks one night when she added around 20 people to her favourites!). You also have the option of live chat and live video streaming while you are logged into the site.

SAFETY: You have the ability to blacklist troublesome members. Profiles are also reviewed manually rather than automatically reducing the chances of coming across those dodgy profiles. There is also a confidence charter and a full staff manning the site.

Our Verdict of Dating Direct:

4.5 out of 5 Heart Rating

Dating Direct is one of the UK’s largest online dating websites so you will be spoilt for choice here, even if you live somewhere remote. The extensive search facility allows even the most picky of people to narrow their selection down. We found the site pretty friendly in general and the large membership makes it easier than many sites for getting a date. The monthly price is pretty high, but if you can commit to 6 months it represents good value per month at £9.99.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER WITH DATING DIRECT FOR FREE

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Should you continue to date someone if you are feeling no physical attraction? This is a complicated question and one that is worth taking time to think about carefully. Have a think about people who you have been attracted to in the past and think about whether or not these people  were good for you or if lowered your self-esteem. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn’t mean that it will be long-lasting or good for you. Similar to sweets, we may love to load up on them but are they nourishing us?

Often we may prefer someone “exciting” who may not treat us with respect and kindness. Don’t just go for the shallow and surface but examine in-depth what the person’s qualites are. How does he treat you? How does he treat your kids (if you have any). Can you talk about personal matters easily? Do you feel comfortable with the person or do you feel you have to always perform and measure up to a certain standard?
Look at the values that are the most important to you and see if they are fulfilled in the relationship or not.

Is there no chemistry because you are still having strong feelings for someone in your past and you keep thinking about that person? Each person is unique and to use another person as the archetype will create problems for your future relationships. We have lots of sides to ourselves and different people can draw these out. Recently a friend told me that she liked her new date because  whenever they rent a movie if they both missed a part on the dvd he’d rewind it so they could hear it. Her ex-husband would never rewind it but would tell her that the part wasn’t important. Sometimes little touches like that make a relationship very special.

If there are a lot of positives, don’t rule the person out just because there is no initial physical attraction. Friendships can mature into romance . However, if there are several things about the person that you know would completely frustrate you in a living situation then the minuses outweigh the positives. Maybe you aren’t feeling a lot of negatives, but just a ‘no attraction’ reaction. Keep an open mind. No attraction is different than repulsion! Obviously if the person has many habits that make you cringe then this will not be a good match despite the good qualities you may notice.

The question of whether you should continue to date if there is no physical attraction can only be answered by you, but if it is early days you may find that after a few more dates an attraction will form.

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Online Dating Safety Tips

Searching for a date can be as simple as turning on your computer, but if you are not careful, you could end up with your heart broken or something far, far worse. You have to be safe in any dating situation, but online dating opens up more of the world to you, exposing you to a wider group of people. The more people that you meet, the bigger the odds that you will run into a bad apple or two in the barrel. You simply cannot go off uninformed. It’s a big, bad world out there and this it why it is so important to follow some simple online dating safety tips.

First things first; know who you are talking to. Meeting someone in a chat room for a computer conversation is one thing. Meeting that person in real life is something entirely different. If you feel that this might be the one for you, proceed with extreme caution. Never give a stranger your full name, or your home address. Give only your cell phone number if you are giving numbers at this point at all. Do not get drawn or bullied into the “quiet night at home” idea for a first date. If that is the only acceptable idea for him, stop talking to him and block him from further contact.

Another online dating safety tip is to make sure that at least one person know that you are going out, where you will be going and when to expect you home. Make sure that you have your cell phone with you and check in with your friends often. Give them as much information as you can about your date. Tell your date up front that you need to touch base with your friends because they are worried about you. If he is a decent human, he will understand, if not, you might consider ending the date right there and then.

A better and usually safer option to prowling the chat rooms are the online dating sites. There are many sites available, some better than others. Look around and check out the features before you sign up. There are a few dating sites where membership and all of its benefits are free to women, so research can save you quite a bit of money. Once you have joined and found your matches, remember, the same rules of safety still apply.

Some people are uncomfortable with a Google search of their dates, some will not even consider a date without one. Either way it is always best to know at least a little bit about your date. Always know the warning signs and have an escape planned if the date goes sour. I know a girl that has a code word for truly awful dates. She calls her friend and pretends to be talking to an answering service. She then announces that she has an emergency and that she must go. For this reason, and for added safety, do not get into a car with someone that you have just met. Take separate cars even if the date is going well and you decide to continue onto a second location. Tell him that you will follow him and do not take no for an answer. A well mannered man will not want you to be uncomfortable, nor will he want to allow you to put yourself in a potentially unsafe situation.

Follow these online dating safety tips and you should be able to relax and enjoy your date.

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