Online Dating Advice Archives

Stress Free First Date Tips

Most people get nervous about a first date. This is especially true if you are doing online dating and have never met the person before. You may think that going to the movies  is a good idea for a first date, but it can be difficult to get to know someone during a movie!

There are a lot of other great things you can do on a first date that will give you time to get to know each other.

To make things less nerve wracking here are 3 stress free first date tips that will make things easier for both of you.

First Date Tip One: Meet in the Afternoon

Meeting in the afternoon takes a lot of the stress off of a first date. Meeting for coffee feels more relaxed and informal than a night time date. Meeting for coffee can be as quick or as long as you like. If things are going well you can always extend things out into lunch, or dinner. If your date doesn’t go as well as you hoped, or you are simply not attracted to the person, you can leave without feeling as if you are being rude. Meeting in the afternoon is also much safer. It is common for women to feel cautious about meeting men, especially if they have met them on an online dating site. Meeting in the daylight can ease the worry.

First Date Tip Two: Wear Something Flattering but Comfortable

Of course you want to look your best, but it is more important to be comfortable. This does not mean wearing your gym clothes. Wear clothes that are flattering, but also comfortable for you. Rather than wear something new, try to wear something that you have never worn before, so you know how it fits and feels. There’s nothing worse than realizing that you can hardly breathe when you sit down in that new outfit!

First Date Tip Three: Share, but Not Everything

Share information about yourself, but not too much. Remember the old saying; you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Remember to listen as well as talk and don’t tell the other person every little detail about yourself. This is not the time to reveal your family medical history. Small talk is ok. You are just starting to get to know this person, for all intensive purposes they are still a stranger. You don’t need to give your life story on your first date.

A first date is a very nerve wracking experience for the majority of us, but it can also be a lot of fun. Try to relax, be yourself and remember if it doesn’t work out there are other fish in the sea. The most important thing of all is to relax and enjoy yourself. If it doesn’t go well, just get back to that online dating site to line up your next date!

Dating after Divorce Guidelines

Are you divorced and considering dating? If so, you may be wondering if there are any dating after divorce guidelines.

There once was a time when being divorced meant being not only without a spouse, but also without the moral support of others. Friends and family would often turn their backs on people who left their spouse, no matter what the reason. Thankfully now, things have changed and there is certainly no social stigma (apart from a few traditional-bound pockets of society), or shame attached to divorcees and dating.

Many people of all ages are enjoying the joys of discovering new people as they rediscover their own inhibitions and secret joys. Yet there does remain a certain level of shame in some cultures. Here are a few dating after divorce tips and guidelines:

1) Don’t Start Dating too soon - remember it takes time to get over a divorce, especially if you are not the person who initiated the divorce. Don’t start dating before you are ready. Take time for yourself to recover and get over the pain. If you start dating and it doesn’t feel right, consider taking a break until you feel better.

2) Have Fun – don’t dive head in looking for a serious relationship. Keep things light at first and aim to have some fun and meet new people rather than search for a new life long partner.

3) Try Online Dating - online dating is a great way to meet people that you wouldn’t normally meet through friends, work or family. Your dating profile usually states whether you are single or divorced, so this is a great way to know that the people who contact you are comfortable going out with someone who has been divorced.

If you are divorced, don’t be embarrassed to enter the realm of divorced dating.  A surprisingly shocking number of marriages end in divorce and once you start dating you will find that there are thousands of other divorced people in the same situation as you,

Go out, live! Date! It’s that simple, and it’s simple to follow through with. Have fun.

Dating may seem enjoyable and relaxing when looked at from the outside, especially by people who feel trapped in their current relationship.  However, people who are dating can often feel dating pressure as it is often not glamorous but quite stressful. There is anxiety about what to speak about on the date, what to wear, how you  are viewed, if you like the person romantically yourself etc etc.

It is important to be natural and try not to feel you are giving a performance everytime you get ready to go out for a date. Try to see this as an adventure and not a chore.

In addition, a single person often feels dating pressure from  friends, co-workers and one’s parents to finally settle down and “find the one”. Sometimes you can feel a dread running into someone you know in case they ask you that question about finding the special one. You can let people  know that you are in a dating phase for now and you’ll tell  them if you meet someone that you feel it really clicks with for a long-term relationship.

Try to not put the pressure on yourself that each date has to measure up to a certain standard, but instead just be in the moment and try to get to know who you are with. Don’t worry about if it will be a long-term relationship, if you can finally tell your parents you may have met the perfect
person etc. Just try to enjoy yourself and listen well as you try to get to know another person.

If nothing else, you’ll develop better communication skills plus the art of relaxing even though your life isn’t fully settled yet. A lot of people have difficulty feeling whole when they aren’t in a relationship and being able to feel comfortable while this is an unresolved issue. Learning to stay centered and relax is a very good way to avoid dating pressure and strengthen and be at peace with yourself at the same time.

How to Improve Dating Success

If you have had a few unsuccessful or even disastrous dates, you may be wondering how to improve dating success.

One of the best ways to improve your chances of a successful date is by having a sense of humour. Humour helps both people to relax and feel comfortable in any situation including dating . Poking fun at yourself is also a  way to make someone feel at ease , although makes sure that you don’t do this in a self-deprecating manner).

Although a number of professionals may advise having a self-confident attitude on your date, most people seem to feel more connected with someone who is able to show their vulnerabilities and has some degree of humbleness. When someone makes a joke about themselves they don’t seem to be full of self-importance or carrying a big ego around. Instead they seem like a real human being. This in turn allows us to laugh at ourselves and reveal soething personal to another that may show a flaw or weak spot as well.

Be careful though – a biting and sarcastic humor can be negative on a date and show a certain bitterness or anger inside. This is different than a natural use of humor and chuckles. We tend to lower  our guards when humor is used because we don’t have to be performing or “on” all the time.

Another tip on how to improve dating success is to stay away from bashing your ex or previous dates and pointing out all their flaws and limitations. When people do this it usually means that they aren’t distant enough from an ex-spouse or partner to be able to do this without a hidden agenda or unresolved hurt. This also applies to jokes about ex-inlaws as often problems with inlaws were factors in a relationship ending.

Above all, try to be relaxed and be yourself on your date. Pretending to be someone that you are not will only cause problems down the line.

Should you continue to date someone if you are feeling no physical attraction? This is a complicated question and one that is worth taking time to think about carefully. Have a think about people who you have been attracted to in the past and think about whether or not these people  were good for you or if lowered your self-esteem. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn’t mean that it will be long-lasting or good for you. Similar to sweets, we may love to load up on them but are they nourishing us?

Often we may prefer someone “exciting” who may not treat us with respect and kindness. Don’t just go for the shallow and surface but examine in-depth what the person’s qualites are. How does he treat you? How does he treat your kids (if you have any). Can you talk about personal matters easily? Do you feel comfortable with the person or do you feel you have to always perform and measure up to a certain standard?
Look at the values that are the most important to you and see if they are fulfilled in the relationship or not.

Is there no chemistry because you are still having strong feelings for someone in your past and you keep thinking about that person? Each person is unique and to use another person as the archetype will create problems for your future relationships. We have lots of sides to ourselves and different people can draw these out. Recently a friend told me that she liked her new date because  whenever they rent a movie if they both missed a part on the dvd he’d rewind it so they could hear it. Her ex-husband would never rewind it but would tell her that the part wasn’t important. Sometimes little touches like that make a relationship very special.

If there are a lot of positives, don’t rule the person out just because there is no initial physical attraction. Friendships can mature into romance . However, if there are several things about the person that you know would completely frustrate you in a living situation then the minuses outweigh the positives. Maybe you aren’t feeling a lot of negatives, but just a ‘no attraction’ reaction. Keep an open mind. No attraction is different than repulsion! Obviously if the person has many habits that make you cringe then this will not be a good match despite the good qualities you may notice.

The question of whether you should continue to date if there is no physical attraction can only be answered by you, but if it is early days you may find that after a few more dates an attraction will form.

Online Dating Safety Tips

Searching for a date can be as simple as turning on your computer, but if you are not careful, you could end up with your heart broken or something far, far worse. You have to be safe in any dating situation, but online dating opens up more of the world to you, exposing you to a wider group of people. The more people that you meet, the bigger the odds that you will run into a bad apple or two in the barrel. You simply cannot go off uninformed. It’s a big, bad world out there and this it why it is so important to follow some simple online dating safety tips.

First things first; know who you are talking to. Meeting someone in a chat room for a computer conversation is one thing. Meeting that person in real life is something entirely different. If you feel that this might be the one for you, proceed with extreme caution. Never give a stranger your full name, or your home address. Give only your cell phone number if you are giving numbers at this point at all. Do not get drawn or bullied into the “quiet night at home” idea for a first date. If that is the only acceptable idea for him, stop talking to him and block him from further contact.

Another online dating safety tip is to make sure that at least one person know that you are going out, where you will be going and when to expect you home. Make sure that you have your cell phone with you and check in with your friends often. Give them as much information as you can about your date. Tell your date up front that you need to touch base with your friends because they are worried about you. If he is a decent human, he will understand, if not, you might consider ending the date right there and then.

A better and usually safer option to prowling the chat rooms are the online dating sites. There are many sites available, some better than others. Look around and check out the features before you sign up. There are a few dating sites where membership and all of its benefits are free to women, so research can save you quite a bit of money. Once you have joined and found your matches, remember, the same rules of safety still apply.

Some people are uncomfortable with a Google search of their dates, some will not even consider a date without one. Either way it is always best to know at least a little bit about your date. Always know the warning signs and have an escape planned if the date goes sour. I know a girl that has a code word for truly awful dates. She calls her friend and pretends to be talking to an answering service. She then announces that she has an emergency and that she must go. For this reason, and for added safety, do not get into a car with someone that you have just met. Take separate cars even if the date is going well and you decide to continue onto a second location. Tell him that you will follow him and do not take no for an answer. A well mannered man will not want you to be uncomfortable, nor will he want to allow you to put yourself in a potentially unsafe situation.

Follow these online dating safety tips and you should be able to relax and enjoy your date.

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