What do you do if your children don’t like who you are dating? They may be bluntly telling you that they do not like the person you are dating, or it could just be a subtle feeling you are getting from the way they react when you tell them you are meeting your date, or when you bring them round to the house.

When children don’t like who you are dating this can be for a number of reasons including jealousy because they feel that you are spending less time with them or it could even be anger becasue they feel that your date is trying to appear to replace their mother or father.

In this situation, the best thing to do is to sit down individually with each child to explore these underlying feelings.  In a lot of cases it won’t be that your child personally doesn’t like who you are dating- they may feel like this about everyone you date, regardless of the person. Get them to try to open up about their reactions. This isn’t always easy , especially during the teenage years.  Kids connect more when spoken to in a non “teacher-like” way at times. Go into your own childhood a bit with them and see if this can generate a genuine conversation.

If it is not a personal thing, ask yourself, why don’t my children like who I’m dating? Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your kids? For instance is there a certain tone of voice that they may be reacting to or is there a habit that may be offensive that your partner doesn’t realize he or she engages in? If that is the case, it is worth trying to discuss it with themif the person is open to it. Sometimes people don’t realize that they are too critical or that they interrupt someone when they speak.

One thing that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child (or children) that dislike(s) him or her. They actually may get along much better that way in your absence. This seems to happen a lot when the key person isn’t in the mix.

One thing to remember is that it is very common for your children to dislike the person you are dating, but if you approach this with the right attitude you have a good chance of turning the situation around.

If you would like to try a dating site geared towards parents, you may want to try Dating for Parents.

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Filed under: Dating Someone with Children

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